Twitter's manager of journalism and news, Mark Luckie, discussed the introduction of "Infinite Hashtags" at NASA headquarters on Friday. Photo courtesy of NASA
Twitter’s manager of journalism and news, Mark Luckie, discussed the introduction of “Infinite Hashtags” at NASA headquarters on Friday. Photo courtesy of NASA

Hot off the controversial news that Twitter will be expanding its 140-character limit later on this year, the social media giant announced today that it would also be making significant improvements to its most famous contribution to the English language: The hashtag. Once also restricted to 140 characters, hashtag users were often forced to abbreviate words and phrases to convey complex ideas. For example, a user looking to confess his or her love of milkshakes may have to resort to posting #milkshakes4lyfe rather than expressing their true feelings about their favorite dairy beverage. Such restrictions will soon be a thing of the past, as Twitter has announced that hashtags will now have an infinite number of characters to work with.

“Twitter already revolutionized communication in the digital age, and we’re looking to do it again with infinite hashtags,” a Twitter spokeswoman said on Thursday. “Now you can find your voice and speak your mind without barriers.”

Never satisfied, Twitter is also experimenting with adding other unique features to hashtags to further enhance their creative potential. One such innovation, called an “Exclamation Point,” is meant to express excitement and emphasis when placed at the end of a phrase. Some more subtle concepts include the “Period,” which indicates the end of one phrase and the beginning of another, and the “Space,” which is an invisible barrier in between words that makes them easier to uniquely identify.

“When strung together, these unique symbols can convey ideas in ways that the original hashtag never could,” a press release from Twitter stated. “We dream of a world where the hashtag symbol isn’t even required to convey your thoughts and ideas anymore.”

But don’t get too excited: Twitter cautions users that these advancements “take time and a lot of technical know-how” to implement, and the public shouldn’t expect these updates to be widely available until sometime in 2017.

With that in mind, Twitter fanatics have plenty of time to start thinking up new and interesting ways to share their voices and stories.

One such user, @SallyYoungMon3y, is already dreaming big. She tells Imperfect Collective that she plans to “write a hashtag so long it’ll need to be broken up into different sections just to make sense of it all.”

“I’m thinking up stories to tell in my hashtags that people will love so much they’ll want to print them out, bind them up, and enjoy them on the go,” Another avid Tweeter, @RedSoxOrD1e, said.

Revolutionary ideas, to be sure, as Twitter is again showing the world that that sky is the limit in this digital age. We can only imagine where they plan on taking the written word next.

This article is intended as a work of satire and is not to be taken seriously. Not even a little.

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